On Tuesday and Thursday, I work in a crèche. It’s kind of like a preschool, but it’s more like a daycare. I work in the mornings, and then head towards the Joshua Project immediately to work with the kids there. What I saw at the crèche this week was powerful!
A new kid, named Geshwen, started coming to the crèche this week. The boy is average size, wears nice clothes, and looks like someone we could see in the states. But when you truly look into his eyes and see his face, you can see that something is really wrong. If the eyes really are the window to the soul, that little boy has a lot of hurt inside of him. He doesn’t speak, and he rarely defends himself. Sometimes, Melissa (my teammate who works there with me) and I will find the other boys beating Geshwen. they take his jacket, throw him to the ground and kick him. They hit him and pretend to stab him. How sad that this is acceptable behavior and this is what the normal thing is in their neighborhoods. It’s what they have already become used to at the young age of 4.
Thursday, my heart hurt for Geshwen so badly that I took him into my arms and let him sleep there. I prayed over him. As he slept, I became more and more attached to the child, and I wanted to bring him home with me. I desperately wanted to save him from the world he is a part of. I wanted desperately to bring him home with me, to just the other side of town, where life was much better. Never wanted to put him down. When the moment came, and we had to leave, tears filled my eyes as I placed him on the ground to continue his slumber. My heart stayed with him, and I couldn’t stop thinking about and praying for him all day long.
That’s when I realized it. My desires were all in the wrong place. I desperately wanted to be the one who saved him. I wanted to be the one who made him safe, and changed his life. God gently tugged on my shoulder and told me that I could never be the savior, only God could. It is a hard lesson to learn. I need to offer the only true savior to him, and not try to be it. I need to let God save and comfort, and show HIS love to this child. Sometimes I forget to look at things through that perspective when I am caught in the middle of a situation that breaks my heart.
Is it wrong to have my heart broken for these kids? NO! Certainly not. It’s God placing his heart in me for them. Is it wrong to want to change their lives and take them home? No! It’s only wrong when I try to become the whole journey instead of taking joy in being a part in God’s plans. It’s only wrong when I get in the way of God receiving all the Glory.
I am continually falling in love with the people and the culture here, and I am excited to be part of is work!!
I miss you all!
